The moon, the stars and the first fireflies of summer

Do you remember being little and counting down the days until summer vacation? I remember those days and returning to school makes the feeling all too familiar. I have been thinking a lot about summer and wishing I could sit back and enjoy what is one of my favorite times of the year. (I know, I know! I have 4 favorite seasons and each holiday is my favorite, but at least I enjoy life, right?)

I spent last summer mourning the end of my relationship and beginning the nursing program that I am about to finish. I sat inside a classroom for 9 hours or more everyday last summer. When I left the school for the day, I sat in my house studying until I went to bed, only to wake up and do it again. I spent many nights waking up every hour or two to dreams of him and then crying myself to sleep again. I struggled to overcome the disappointment and to find happiness on my own again. I learned about loneliness and how to make new friends, about hopelessness and perseverance,about finding value in love and in loss. I discovered that my faith was strong, that I was strong and that I was determined to get through it all. I learned other things, too. I learned how to draw blood, to give injections, to assess patients and to dress a wound. I learned that I was more compassionate than I'd known and that I could be a good nurse. I learned that grades don't matter and that the people I encounter can each teach me a lesson. I saw people survive and people die. I held hands, wiped tears and fought for what I wanted out of life. I learned that nursing instructors don't have all the answers and that many are unprofessional. Some, though, were nice and taught me a lot. I discovered that some friendships aren't worth the fight and others are. I found out that I could meet some special people for the first time and feel as if I'd known them forever. I saw marriages begin and end. I revisited my past as I celebrated 10 years since graduating from high-school. I realized that some of the "coolest" kids from school weren't "cool" at all. I felt hurt and betrayal, and joy and love. I spent weekends at the lake and some alone. I cried, laughed, screamed, whispered, smiled, prayed. I saw God in the ocean, in the stars, in the faces of my friends and in the dark of my room. I felt Him in my life and experienced His faithfulness and grace. I took a cruise, explored a cave, rode horses on the beach and made memories. I took pictures, looked at them, put them on facebook and looked at them again. I LIVED last summer. I was here last summer. And guess what? It was a GREAT summer!

Tomorrow marks exactly two months until graduation from nursing school. It also marks one year since the start of last summer. It is the eve of my summer. What will this summer bring? I don't think I'm going to venture to guess. Even if I did guess, even if I asked a "psychic", even if I thought I knew, I believe that I wouldn't come close to what it will really hold for me. Life is nothing if not unpredictable. My favorite quote says it best: "The more you plan, the harder destiny hits you"-Anonymous. I'm going to let destiny hit me. "HIT ME! DO IT! I DARE YOU!" Whatever happens, last summer prepared me. I know I'll make it through and I'll look back in amazement at what a summer can bring.

Tonight, I took a long walk with a friend and her little boy. We talked and walked and shared what is going on in our lives. We stopped for icecream. (I know it defeats the purpose of walking, but what is summer without icecream?) As we turned onto my street for the final stretch of our walk, I looked up and there, right in front of us, were fireflies! The first fireflies of summer, symbolic in many ways, danced there in the sky. They made me smile and recall seeing them as a small child and wondering what they could be. I knew kids that caught them and smashed them on their tan skin, hoping to glow for a minute. And it worked... But why smash them? Their magic is only magic when they flash on and off over and over again in the dark night. When wiped on skin, the glow lasts for a minute and fades too fast. What magic is there in that? I wish I could have stood and admired the little flashing fireflies all night. They tell me that summer is here, they remind me that even if I feel dark at times that I too can flash my "light" back on, when the time is right. I think I'll let those fireflies, the first of many this summer I'm sure, do all the flashing for now. But, soon, when I'm ready again, maybe when they've all gone away with the arrival of fall, I'll take over. I'll light up with the end of summer, the beginning of a new season (in more ways than one), with joy at the end of school for good, and with hope for what is to come. Maybe my magic will last this time. Maybe it will shine forever. Maybe it won't. But, either way, I know its going to be alright. God is here. He is good. And with Him, I am strong.

When we walked up my drive and began to unload my friend's little guy from the stroller, he looked up in awe at the moon. It was the first time he'd noticed the moon in his short little life. "Ooooh!" He pointed, as we both told him emphatically "Moon!" And then, his eyes seeing the stars for the first time, grew big and bright. "Moon!" he said. "No," we corrected, "stars!" While my friend gathered his things from inside my house, I held him and he pointed over and over at the bright moon and starry sky. He kept whispering "stars, stars, stars." Can you imagine seeing the moon and the stars for the first time? Can you imagine what magic you'd feel you were seeing? I thought, as I held him and watched his excitement and amazement, that his reaction is the closest I'll get to knowing what it will be like someday when I see God for the first time. Right now, though, I'll smile as I remember this little one's first sight of the moon and the stars. I want to look at the world like that. In amazement.

Tonight I'll settle for the moon and the stars and the first fireflies of summer... I'll rest and muster up the strength, with God's help, to not only make it through this summer, but to make it a GREAT summer. A summer to top last summer.